GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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