; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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