At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
