please come you make the beer taste better
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
