All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
