you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
