when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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