He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
