Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
