I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
