I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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