I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
