we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
