hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
