why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
