Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
