We won't sleep together?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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