My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
