i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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