It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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