so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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