We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I have fence marks all over my body
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
