he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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