allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
