i think my mom watched the whole time
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
