Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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