So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
