Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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