she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
