Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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