Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
