Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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