I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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