Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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