Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
