I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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