nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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