i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
