farters have to be the big spoon...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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