Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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