mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
