remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
