Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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