captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
