I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize