So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
