I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
