dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
