I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
