the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
