Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
