Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
