He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
