No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
two words...techno handjob
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
