tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
