I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he thought i was a dude.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Randomize
