Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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