I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
