one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
