he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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