My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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