i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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