I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
