i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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